Stag Night (2009) - 2/4

And now for something completely diff--oh wait, it's not different at all! Stag Night is a gleaning, as located in the time of its production as can be, made up of bits and pieces of other action-horror films with the same collection of characters. I've seen it before and maybe you have too. First there was Survive the Night, then Judgment Night, and now Stag Night.

Like Survive the Night and Judgment Night (all unrelated films, I should note), Stag Night is a movie-long chase involving some sinister subterranean (literally, in this case) city dwellers pursuing some normal folks in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mike (Kip Pardue) is enjoying his bachelor party with his brother Tony (Breckin Meyer, minus the CGI cat) and best friend Carl (Scott Adkins). While hitting on two ladies on the subway, they all accidentally get off at the wrong stop, a stop that's been closed up for some time. Stranded, their cell phones not working, they make their way down the subway tunnel to find a way out, but instead find primitive subway dwellers who happen to be cannibals--aren't they always? The chase ensues.

There isn't much wrong with the chase itself. It's what one expects and is suspenseful enough. The villains are threatening and the victims are fragile. The problem is that some of the players in this game aren't really playing along. Writer-director Peter Dowling didn't put enough thought into making his characters in any way intelligent. So they are constantly making SCDs (Stupid Character Decisions). The plague of lazily-written suspense/horror pictures, SCDs rot from the inside out. The symptoms of SCDs are yelling at the screen, sudden facepalming, and uncontrollable streams of profanity pouring from the oral passage. These characters are in a tunnel being pursued by trackers who know the tunnels well--they live there! What's the worst thing you could do in such a situation? Why, it would be making lots of noise, wouldn't it? Yet these characters are forever yelling at each other, arguing about every decision, kicking loud objects (there are cans everywhere!) whenever they're frustrated--any wonder they can't seem to get a break! There is only one moment, toward the end, when a character voices the idea that maybe they should keep quiet!

Dowling might have had an easier time having his characters make intelligent decisions if he had made them real characters rather than interchangeable stock victims. You have the nice guy who's getting married, the brash and loud troublemaker (Meyer, oddly enough), and the handsome ladies' man who will try to have sex somewhere in the film heedless of the danger. Wonder what'll be come of him? The lead female character, Brita (Vinessa Shaw), is the only character who really shows any sort of distinct personality that isn't pure stock, albeit not the most pleasant personality. So one is able to route for her somewhat during the chase, at least.

The marauders of the subway are more fascinating to me than anything else in Stag Night. Their closest cinematic cousins would be the Reevers of Serenity and then perhaps the Morlocks of The Time Machine. Somehow by living in the subway they've regressed into primitive, subhuman predators who live on human flesh. How did that happen? Does it symbolize the horrors that are right beneath our feet in the city, our negligence of the poor that will some day come back to hurt us, or is it just because Dowling thought it made a cool and scary movie? The wisdom of the DVD commentary might answer the question, but I'd prefer to leave it a mystery.