Top 10 Horror Stories in the Bible

I used to read the Bible often. Oh, I'd say I read it religiously. And you know what? I encountered quite a lot of horrific stuff in there. (Many of these stories are only in the Catholic and Orthodox editions--further proof that Protestants are boring.)

10. Daniel slays a dragon - At the end of the book of Daniel, after all the prophecies are out of the way, Daniel goes for some good ol' fashioned dragon-slaying. Actually, first he has to destroy a statue that apparently eats food, or else he dies. Much to the king's surprise, he uses detective work to prove there's a trapdoor in the statue's sanctuary and the priests have been feasting. So the king kills them all.
But the king has another god: a dragon. And Daniel can only prove it's not a god by killing it without a sword. So he makes a homemade bomb, gets the dragon to swallow it, and it bursts.
Then Daniel is thrown to the lions anyway. He magically is untouched. It's fun being a prophet.
(Daniel)

9. Heads roll - As a Philistine general named Holofernes terrorizes a Jewish city, a pious widow decides to save the day. She seduces the general, drugs him, and decapitates him as he sleeps. A good exploitation movie plot, there.
(Judith)

8. Satan vs. Job - Satan challenges God in a little vignette and God gives Satan authority to make Job's life a living hell. Satan does this for a good long time before God shows up in a whirlwind and mocks Job. Job loses his wife, children, and all his possessions in this struggle. But no harm done, right? God gives him a prettier wife, better children, and even more possessions in the end.
(Job)

7. The haunted pussy - This is an odd one. Tobit wants to marry a pretty girl. Turns out she's had seven husbands already, but is still a virgin. Why? A demon has possessed her and apparently lurks in her womanhood; 'cause her husbands all die in the bridal chamber. Just so happens, though, that Tobit made friends with Raphael the Archangel, who tells Tobit how to defeat the demon (using fish liver to, yes, STINK the demon out).
(Tobit)

6. Samson goes apeshît- The Philistines kept trying to kill Samson, much to his amusement. While he came up with a variety of ways to kill Philistines, one stands out. He found "a fresh jawbone of a donkey" and slaughtered a thousand men with it! Yes, Samson bludgeoned a thousand men to death with a jawbone. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he sang a song about it:
"With the jawbone of a donkey,
heaps upon heaps,
with the jawbone of a donkey
I have slain a thousand men."
(Judges)

5. Jesus is crucified - This needs no explanation.
(The gospels)

4. The entire book of Revelations - Ah yes, the End of the World. We have John to thank for rendering it in a particularly grotesque style. He presents a world full of creepy angels, horrible dragons, and terrible disasters.
(Revelations)

3. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah - You knew this one was coming. Actually there were five cities, although only two are named and only Sodom has lent its name to both Europe's favourite pastime and a German thrash band. Sodom is singled out for the hoard of homosexual rapists who stupidly try to rape an angel. Oops! God gets angry and rains FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, reducing all the plain cities to rubble. Oh yeah, and Lot's wife is turned to salt for regretting the move of fleeing destruction.
(Genesis)

2. Frying up the family - You've probably not heard of this one. Seven brothers and their mother are being tortured by King Antiochus so that they'll lose their Jewish faith and eat pork. Since they refused to eat, each brother was scalped, had his tongue cut out, his hands and feet cut off, and was then fried to death in a frying pan while the living brothers and mother watched. Last of all the mother is killed.
(2 Maccabees)

1. A Levite chops up his girlfriend - The single most horrifying story in the Bible. A Levite and his concubine decide to spend the night in the city of Gibeah. Wrong move. A God-fearing old man tries to shelter them, but it's too late. The townsfolk surround the house and demand something to have sex with. The old man, a swift-thinking old fellow, throws the concubine out of the house. The people of the city rape the concubine all night long--to death. Yes, she is raped to death. The Levite exits the house the next morning to find her lying on the threshold. He tells her to get up and when she doesn't assumes she's dead. He throws her over his horse and rides on home, where he proceeds to cut her body into twelve parts.
So what's the good news? He sends the a part to each of the twelve tribes and has them exact revenge on Gibeah, slaughtering everyone in the town. Who says two wrongs don't make a right?
(Judges)

I've left out some other stories that are potentially scary: the plagues of Egypt, the flood, the ark of the covenant's power to zap people to death, Peter commanding the death of disciples who try to hide money from him, etc..