Assignment Terror (1970)

(AKA Los monstruos del terror)

Paul Naschy is one of the worst writers of dialogue in cinematic history, but he has the craziest ideas. In this film, Michael Rennie (in his final role) is an alien bodysnatcher with scientific powers of necromancy, who, with his cohorts, has taken control of some bodies that they might put into motion their plan to destroy all humans on earth and claim it for themselves. Klaatu's turned really nasty! But he has no choice; his own sun is dying and he hasn't yet discovered how to build an artificial sun. Nobody's perfect, eh?

So, what's his diabolical scheme? To use human superstition and passions against them by sending Universal monsters after them. But how is that superstition if the monsters really exist? No matter! He gets the Wolf Man, of course, Waldemar Daninsky. Frankenst... wait, wait, what? Franksalan's Monster. And a vampire and a mummy (with a 'stache). He controls all of them with his brain controlling SCIENCE. But science fails again, because the brain control isn't perfect and the human bodies begin exerting passions on the normally passionless aliens. "I feel this curious sensation," is alien for "love." Will human passions prove a stronger weapon than alien science? If every single episode of Star Trek: The Original Series is to be believed, of course it will.

DANINSKY: "Why are you helping me?"
BLONDIE: "I think...it's because... I'm a woman!"

Meanwhile the police department has its top detective on the job of bumbling around trying to figure out what's going on, going to bars and downing lots of vodka, and sleeping with pretty girls. Why does Naschy insist on having the police in his movies? They never do anything but show up at the very end.

Most of the time I have no idea what's going on in this movie. It's pretty confusing, with what seem to be important shots cut out. The monsters are not well-used. It's really only the alien villains who are interesting, and fortunately they are the focus of the film. It has a nice, poetic ending about human emotions and Rennie's defeat. It's not very significant, but it's charming. The film also gives Michael Rennie lots of screentime in his final role; by far he has the most screentime and he plays his heartless alien doctor to the evil hilt, torturing blond babes and sicking monsters on anyone who interferes with him, including his own people. Klaatu went out with a bang! (That's what she said.)

I must admit I was alternately bored and stupefied by the odd things put on screen. It's dopey, campy, European, jam-packed with zany ideas and monsters, nonsensical character decisions and emotions--women especially fall deeply in love at the drop of a hat in Naschy's mind--and dreadful dialogue; it's thoroughly Naschy, I guess.