DinoCroc (2004)

I really had a hankering to watch a schlock 2000s horror film with CGI monsters. I know this is a perverse desire, but I couldn't help it. I had had my heart set on The Curse of the Komodo, but alas I couldn't find it. So I settled for DinoCroc. DinoCroc: Part dinosaur and part crocodile. Di-No-Croc. The name itself fascinates me. So elemental, primal; I could imagine one of our primitive ancestors, while drawing some stupid animals on the wall of their crummy caves, pointing to a drawing of a monster and saying DI! NO! CROC! and the other cavemen would be frightened for a moment, until it was time to rape their wives again.

DinoCroc concerns a CGI creature, raised in a genetic engineering lab, that escapes due to human stupidity. A family who lost their three-legged dog, the local animal control officer, her father the sheriff, and the lab's hired Australian croc-hunter (wonder who he could be based on?) take it upon themselves teach the DinoCroc a lesson in caring.

This leads up to a heart-pumping climax of frantic puppy-saving whilst fleeing the jaws of death. I'll explain better: there are several dogs, chained in a row for a good many yards, that are all in risk of getting eaten. Our animal-loving heroes, while being chased by the DINOCROC! must use a blowtorch to free the dogs before the DINOCROC! can eat them.

In between these two points, the film is surprisingly downbeat. A child is graphically eaten by the DINOCROC! Is the DINOCROC! the ferocious personification of our environmental destruction? Or is it just a hungry reptile? The harrowing emotions are explored in great detail with alarming sincerity and, some might say, incompetence, making for a draggy midsection. Fortunately, getting really drunk, kicking furniture and killing DINOCROCS! instantly cures everyone of their grief.

DinoCroc is competently made, under the watchful eye, no doubt, of producer Roger Corman. It begins with some good shooting and editing, if somewhat lacking in attention and while the inspiration dries up, the competence, at least, remains. The film speaks volumes with its irrational use of pans and crane shots, its jumpcuts symbolic of our inattentiveness to the environment. This is bolstered by the rare use of an all-choral score in a monster movie.

It had a few suspenseful moments that did the trick and I, as much as I'm ashamed to admit this, I found Costas Mandylor charming as the aussie croc-hunter. Mediocre entertainment, but much better than I expected; it made me laugh a few times and, I have to say, it does everything a film called DinoCroc should do. And it was worth watching for the puppy-saving and child-eating.